You know what's not going to be so bad? Being at home. Do you know why? My little brother Stephen. I seriously do not know how I would continue to function in my family without him. He's the only blood relation that knows that I'm gay and he's completely cool with it. I can be myself around him. He told me tonight that he's worried about me and what our parents are going to think... D'aww. Siblings are such blessings.... sometimes

He, Mike and I went to see Star Trek tonight and okay. Seriously. Twilight-Edward Cullen-Person was bred from swine compared to Chris Pine, who plays Kirk in the movie. Seriously yo.

In other news, I'm secretly obsessed to Bloon's Tower Defense 3. Sshh.

Too much ritilin. Too much coffee. Too many cigarettes. Way too much work. Ugh. Too little sleep and way too much conflict. Thus is the way of Chris.

I'm a wreck right now. I haven't posted in a really long time. However, I just thought I'd keep you guys slightly updated by letting you all know that i'm a complete disaster. HAH. However, I'm almost done with school. I'm doing a take-home "right now" due at four o'clock today. I am so ready to be home for a little bit.

For this summer I've gone through so many plans. Each one has been shut down thus far. Kayaking in Scandinavia. WWOOFing. Art classes. BAH. They've all failed thus far. However, right now it may be possible for me to take econ and photography at UNH.

I'm also going to try and drive around with Phil. First to DC to visit bow kids down there and a friend from Wheaton. Then to Chicago and meet phil's friends and stay with my friend Xin Xin. Then to Lincoln, Nebraska... not staying there for too long... I'm going to be flying from there back to home, or to LA to visit Lucy's dads and my friend Ryan. I think I'm going to purchase a sketchbook and draw a picture for everyday I'm on the road with Phil. I think that'd be a good way to deter my attention away from the constant classic rock that I'm bound to get sick of.

In other news, I've been obsessed with the two music artists Santogold and Passion Pit (go to skreemr.com - listen to Sleepyhead-Bowflex remix). You should definitely check them out. Also listen to Chicago by Lucy Wainwright Roche.

PS: I got high yesterday and saw into the future.

Being Home. It's nice because I get to eat decent food, sleep in my old bed and take a shower without sandals. It basically ends there.

I had to go to mass today with my family. Sitting there in that church with all of those brainwashed crackpots, all I could think of was pulling a Sissy Spacek in Carrie. I've realized that I hate everyone in that church: My self-glorifying Aunt and Uncle (who still LOVE Bush, btw.)  who love adopting children to "save" them and then are horrible parents to them, all the prudish people that used to teach me CCD, and the homosexuals-in-denial who sing in the folk group and altar serve but then accost me with IM's about gay sex.  They've stolen my mom and have brainwashed her. She doesn't know ever what she's saying. They just put words in her mouth. The sentences that come from her just don't fit. I hate them, I don't hate my mom . She's confused and I'm afaid she'll be like this forever. Damn. I'm definitely not saying all Catholics are crazy ridiculous people that I hate. I'm  just talking about all the crazy more fundamental extremists that my mom is now friends with. She was going to leave the Church when I was six. But my uncle invited her to go to a mass with him at this church and we've never stopped going. Blah. Some of the things that come out of her mouth are worse than nails on a chalkboard.

On a slightly lighter note, I've been escaping my house and am working full-time at Panera again. Yay Money. Fuck rude people, lines and being covered in food.

Sometimes, I really suck at this academic thing. My German final is at 9AM, and I've been studying for about fifty minutes so far. I haven't studied at all before for tests in that class and I've still gotten an A or B... but still. What if I did this again with my Ancient Western final?

And really, what would you rather do after a real shitty weekend: study German or get high?


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I'm moving into the Outdoors House next semester. It should be sweet. Mostly everyone who lives there is awesome. My only concern is that I won't be able to get my work done there. And the house to the library is such a hike (definitely not compared to other big schools... but still).

Happy Fifth of November!

Don't forget to burn a picture of Guy Fawkes!

And Congratulations to the President-elect Barack Obama :)

Everyone at Wheaton is so happy today. Both of my professors today were in such good moods, and so was everyone else! (save the one unfortunate conservative in my French class)

In the spirit of Andrew's most recent post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh9BmNuqeiQ



:)

This was a letter to the Wheaton Wire, my school's newspaper. This kid who wrote it is a freshman, and I actually met him once. He was very strange. And I suppose he has a vague point.... but... but... WHAT the FUCK!?! This barely makes sense in actuality.

Just read for yourselves. Any female or female-friendly person should probably brace themselves.


New meaning to term 'cheap date'

There are whole bushels of students here at Wheaton that are majoring or planning to major in women's studies. I am friends with a few of them, and it brings me great pleasure to make sexist jokes in their presence. This is, of course, all in good fun, and there are plenty of anti-men jokes that get thrown back at me on a daily basis ("Seventy five reasons a cucumber is better than a man," anyone?).

Today I have a question, addressed to any academic (or social) studiers of women at Wheaton; When will the woman stop playing into the traditional gender role, submitting to a hot and steamy smooch on the lips while griping about male dominance in relationships out of the corner of her mouth?

Earlier this week I was sitting on a friend's bed, eating candy corn and watching Moulin Rouge, when somewhere between "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" and "The Show Must Go On" it dawned upon me. In a surprisingly musical moment of clarity, I realized all women are prostitutes. Not in the strict traditional sense of the prostitute, a woman who trades shiny things for sex, but in a broader, generalized sense. Can you call to mind any serious relationship in which the guy isn't expected to endow the proclaimed love of his life with surprise gifts, anniversary gifts, don't-worry-I-still-love-you gifts, apology gifts, holiday gifts, and any other kind of gifts she can find a reason for beyond "because I said so" and a cute little pout?

When confronted about their lack of action despite their feminist beliefs, almost all of the women's studies types immediately protested, exclaiming, "But I never let him pay for our dates! We split the cost! Doesn't that mean anything?" Yes, it does mean something. It's a good start. But since when is free food the only one-sided benefit a female gleans from a relationship? Lust is nice and love is nicer, but let's be honest. Jewelry, ugly clothes that don't fit, free car rides, ridiculous time commitments (couples shopping is the dumbest idea ever), cuddly things, candy, and shmaltzy gimmicks are the glue that seems to keep most college relationships from fragmenting into a baswillion pieces of sugar-coated rubbish.

If it seems that the majority of relationships these days are failing, it is not, as some assert, because women are taking a more aggressive role in couples, nor is because the traditional manly-man is slowly becoming emasculated by women's rights. In spite of all the hooplah about the modern independent woman, ladies these days are trying to have the best of both worlds by assuming dominant roles but still requiring regular affirmations of love and commitment. The adhesive strength of the love between people in these relationships of jumbled ideals is on par with that of the goo on the back of a post-it, and lasts about as long.

Our generation of women is addicted to using the "gloo stiks" of love, so far from any real cohesive properties that the product name is misspelled for legal reasons. Real, immaterial love, in addition to being free, sticks like your favorite brand of superglue. Everyone is looking for something different in a relationship, but that something should be intangible. If love could be measured in gifts, women would come with price tags.

So yeah, If you feel like responding to this kid. His email is sloane_ian@wheatonma.edu.

Someone please give me a reason why Bill Richardson wouldn't have been a good President. I hate people who automatically think that he sucks just because he got like less than 15% of the overall vote. Seriously, He's been the Governor of New Mexico. He's been a US Representative, a UN Ambassador AND the Secretary of Energy under Bill Clinton. And he is an INCREDIBLE negotiator. So yeah...  fuck people.

So I haven't posted in a while...

I'm sick. I have a sinus infection I feel achey and weak all over and can't sleep. I just got antibiotics today though. I'm extremely excited. I blame myself for being sick for this long, though. I need to get to bed earlier. I stayed up until 5 in the morning the other day with some kids on acid. It was an interesting experience to say the least. Hah.

I'm home right now and I'm freezing my ass off. I'm using my laptop as a heating source.

I think dying my hair twice in two days killed it. I'm balding. My 47 year old dad has yet to start losing his hair. Fuck.

I've been hooking up with someone who has a boyfriend.... yeah...

My mom informed me today that even though Sarah Palin is slightly too "fundamentalist" for her, she's still voting for the McCain/Palin ticket. It made me so angry. My mom has no idea what's going on in the world. All she cares about is that gay people don't marry, women don't have abortions and stem cell research ceases. There's so many more problems than just that! What about the economy!? The war and foreign policy!? The energy crisis!?

I know that different people have different concerns. However, honestly, she really doesn't have any idea what's going on. I wish I could just blow up at her and rip John McCain apart. But I love her too much...

It's a double-edged sword, I know. I'm working on it.

I can only hope that she forgets to vote or finds some church activity that she'll prioritize as more important than this election...

---

I have decided that "If We Hold on Together" by Diana Ross is one of the major songs of my life thusfar. I used to listen to it as a child while playing with my dinosaurs. It's also in the end credits for the first Land Before Time movie. What a classic... haha.

Yes. I know I'm very very strange.

Make-out-dreams are the best.


That's all :)

So I had a dream last night where i went into the wrong lane going down the hill of Loudon road. Mike was in the car and we got into a horrible car crash. I was okay, just very cut up and bruised. Mike was halfway stuck under the car. The rescue people were trying to get him out. Suddenly, my manager tells me i still have to come to work. So I am forced against my will to go to work while they're still trying to get mike out of the car.

AND THEN,

Today, I go to the ATM at the Merrimack Savings Bank. I'm spacing out, getting back on the road. Guess what? I'm on the wrong side of the fucking road. I quickly move into the right lane and almost hit a car that was nearly behind me. I almost crashed into the oncoming traffic too. Fuuuck. I pulled over and took a few minutes to calm myself down.


So if I ever have a car-crash-dream again, I'm going to avoid all vehicles for the next day.....

This isn't a SOS for sympathy, it's a rant. A good healthy angsty rant. This is selfish. Deal with it. Argue with me. Get angry. I don't care. More conflict in my life wouldn't hurt.
I'm honestly done with Bow. I am not coming back next summer. College summers are bullshit. All my friends are so busy all the time. It's not their fault.  But I feel like I'm the only one not doing anything with my life right now. When I'm free, they're not. When they're free, I'm working. I'm doing nothing here except making money. It sucks and I'm ridiculously pissed and frustrated with the lack of social life. It's beyond depression and me missing people. I'm pissed. I feel like my two closest friends are my computer and alcohol.

Tonight. I walked into my bathroom door. Hahahahaha.

Oh man was that an adventure. It reminds me of when I ran through my house's screen door.


Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Work has stolen my soul and energy. I miss you guys!

53. The time at home when I dance the most is when I am in the bathroom (brushing teeth, showering, etc.)
54. My sexual appetite is really small.
55. My appetite for cuddling is monumental though.
56. I've never broken any bones
57. I love Star Wars more than anything in the world. Wookieepedia.com is my bible.
58. I wear the craziest socks and my spikey belt to work as often as I can. It's my little "fuck you" to Panera and its dress code.
59. I have nightmares about coming out to my parents.
60. I'm not sure I'm ready for that extreme change in the relationship with my parents and I.
61. I still check my myspace constantly. Comment me sometime :)
62. I burned my elbow on a frying pan in 4th grade. I got made fun of by DJ Poitras and Eric Mayo because my elbow smelled really bad for the next week or so.
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WATCH YERSELF FOX NEWS. KATY GONNA CUT YOOOOH

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Aaaaaaaggghhhhh! I have to wake up in seven hours for work again! I should just have a sleeping bag at panera.... seriously...

HAHAHAHAHA

Top Stories for the 10 o'clock news on Fox.

Train Crash on the Green Line in Newton, Mass- Completely legitimate and terrible. I take the red line all the time at school and it rather shook me to see this happen.

Teenagers sunbathing on train tracks- Oh no, folks! Our train tracks are being invested by troubled youngsters burning their skin! You better watch out, soon they'll be lying out on the interstate and doing lines off of the pavement.

Lyrics of new Katy Perry hit too racy?- YESSSSS. "I Kissed a Girl"!!!! Of course Fox News would try and bring this song down. You better watch out guys, this song is going to make more people GAY. Holy shit, that's not good! The last thing this world needs is more gay people! (Seriously, if Katy Perry saw this, I bet she must be so proud of herself right now).


Oh Fox News....

GO SPEED RACER GO.

QUICKLY,

ASK ME OUT NOW!

I'm sending out a mass apology to all of those who were victims to my texting/calling last night. I'm gonna start giving my phone to people to hide when I drink.

---

I think I'm gonna go buy a new video game and see Indiana Jones tonight. I'm pretty sure I'm going alone too. Haha...

Tonight is one of those nights where I wish I could do my childhood/teenagerhood over again. I wish I had done different hobbies, I wish I had played different musical instruments. I wish I had taken some art classes in school. I wish I applied to different schools.

Basically, I wish I was how I am now, way back when. A second chance please?

I'm pretty positive most of you feel somewhat similar. Yes? No?